


Fighting until the End

by spagetticannon



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:07:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25271365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spagetticannon/pseuds/spagetticannon
Summary: “Why doesn’t he love me?” Clarke asks, pain escaping on every word.Raven just sits there in the small coat closet that Clarke had hid herself in, looking towards her friend. It felt as if no formation of words would be able to pull her out of this mess.Bellamy and Clarke missed each other once, but will they be able to work out all those feeling 6 years later?-GIVEN A SLIGHT UPDATE TO THE FINAL CHAPTER! JUST WANTED SOMETHING MORE TO BE SAID!
Relationships: Bellamy Blake & Raven Reyes, Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Clarke Griffin/Raven Reyes
Comments: 24
Kudos: 102





	1. Finding the Light

**Author's Note:**

> This is just like a One shot sort of thing but if people enjoy it let me know and I will write a few more chapter because I REALLY enjoyed Writing this one as I think there is lots of different opportunities about where this could go and I already have some ideas!

“Why doesn’t he love me?” Clarke asks, pain escaping on every word.

Raven just sits there in the small coat closet that Clarke had hid herself in, looking towards her friend. It felt as if no formation of words would be able to pull her out of this mess.

“Clarke.” she spoke softly

“No. It’s fine. That was unfair. I know he loves me but...” She barely even whispered.

Raven understood how Clarke was feeling because she had gone through the same thing with Finn. She loved him with every inch of her soul, but while she was risking everything to be with him, he was sleeping with the woman in beside of her. He looked at Clarke the way her used to look at her; like she was his everything.

“But not the way you want to be loved” Raven replied.

At this Clarke looked towards her. Tears were streaming down her face, bring what little make up she had on with them. She simply nodded her head, basking in this wave of comfort that suddenly washed over them. She had never talked about her feelings for Bellamy with anyone. It seemed she didn’t even really know herself about how she felt until 6 years ago, before she left. They had just been hanging out with their friends at a pub and he was flirting with this beautiful woman across the room. She was Clarkes polar opposite. The group were having bets about how long it would take for them to kiss. Everything was very Casual, normal even, until their lips touched, and Clarke body filled with this unfamiliar sensation; Jealousy. Of course, she had been jealous before, but never with mind of Bellamy. It wasn’t until that very moment did she realise she minded.

They were sitting shoulder to shoulder. Clarke had her knees crossed and her hand lay gently in her lap. Raven took her hand and placed linked it with Clarkes, their fingers intertwined.

“I know no words I can say right now are going to fix what you are feeling but I want you to know this. You, Clarke Griffin, are the strongest person I know by far. You don’t let anything, or anyone for that matter, keep you down and I know it may seem like it’s too dark right now to even comprehend light, and that man out their had some hold on your heart that he is unaware of, and that you are going through hell but you just need to keep going and I promise you, you will come out the other side and it will be every bit are beautiful as you are.”

Clarke words were failing her, but Raven could see from her expression that she appreciated, not only the words, but their friendship as well. She gave Clarkes hand one more squeeze before getting up and leaving Clarke alone, which she suspected is what she wanted all along.

As soon as she door shut behind her, and the loud noise of reality fit her once more, did she collide with someone walking along the corridor.

“Woah” Bellamy said jokingly “Watch were you’re going”

She feels like on some level she would hate the man in front of her but of course it wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t his fault that Clarke sat not 5 metres away from them right now crying over him, but some guilt panged in her chest. She needed to act normal however, so he push that feeling aside and turned to him.

“Me Blake? What about you? Speeding down the corridor like you are running out of time” she returned his joking tone

“Me? Are you joking? You are the one that just came out of a coat closest.” he said, gesturing towards where, unknowing to him, Clarke sat, tears in her eyes. “What were you doing in there anyway?” he asked generally curious.

“Clarke dared me to put something in Murphy’s Jacket” she said, as if this was some common occurrence for her.

“Oh really?” he said, almost hurt “What was it?”

“Oh, now that I can’t tell you unfortunately, Clarke made me promise”

“Right” a few moments pasted in awkward silence as Bellamy expression and demeanour changed

“And where were you off to in such a hurry”

“I was actually looking for Clarke” he said, “Have you seen her?” his voice sounded stranded, like something was laying just beneath the surface.

“Not in a while actually” Raven replied, trying her hardest not to give away the fact that Clarke was actually in touching distant. “Why do want her anyway?”

Bellamy looked at her, his face looked as if surprised by her question

“Err… I just” he looked down towards his shoes for a moment before talking a few steps back and sitting down on the bench opposite the closet. “I just miss her which I know sound crazy because we see each other all the time but…”

Raven looked towards the closet, knowing full well Clarke is hearing every word of this, before walking over and sitting beside Bellamy on the bench. Raven wasn’t sure when she became the groups counsular but suddenly she has had two session in the span of about 15 minutes.

“But?”

Bellamy let out a sigh of frustration.

“But I feel like I messed everything up, you know? Clarke was gone for 6 years. When she left, man, I was a mess, I mean you remember”

Raven doesn’t say anything but just knods her head in agreement.

“Every morning I would wake up and for a second I would forget she was gone; you know. I understood why she left, okay, she left to help her mum but that didn’t make it any less painful not to see her face every day. It was as if she took my heart with her. I know that sounds crazy”

“It doesn’t” raven replied, and Bellamy gave her a thankful smile.

“So much changed in them 6 years; I’ve changed, but the one thing I thought would always stay the same was Us; me and Clarke. I thought no time apart would change that but then we heard nothing from her for 6 years. I didn’t know if she was safe, or alive even and somewhere along the way she stopped becoming my future and became my past instead and I know that sounds horrible but it’s the only way I can describe it.”

Its broke Ravens heart that Clarke was hearing all of this. She should have made in move.

“And now she is back and it’s like… I want, more than anything, for things to be back how they were, like them six years didn’t happen but…”

“They did” Raven said, finishing his thought.

“Exactly and I keep meaning to talk to her but every time I do, I get all weird and push her away” ‘like the last time’ Bellamy wants to add but the words sit on the tip of his lips. He isn’t sure what Raven knows about what happened before Clarke left and it isn’t 100% sure it’s his place. “and I hate myself for it” he whispers gently.

“Look Bellamy, I don’t have some magic words that is just going to suddenly make everything how it was 6 years ago, but I need you to know that none of this is your fault, Okay? You fight for everyone’s happiness but I’m asking you know, to fight for your own. Fight for answers, fight for the past and the future”

Raven pauses for a moment, looking towards Clarke for one last time, remembering the conversation that happening in the darkness and the hopelessness that plague her voice wishing to pull her out into the light. She then turned back to Bellamy; whose head was cradled in hands. These two have a lot to figure out. Who they are to each other? She believed that they didn’t know, truly. That the past, and all of these un-answered questions, had clouded their judgement on reality.

She placed a hand on his shoulder, making him turn his gaze away from the ground towards her, their eyes locking on together for the first time since they sat down.

“Fight for Clarke, in whatever form that may take”


	2. The Very Last Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little jump backwards for you guys! Its gonna get good you just have to wait! HOPE YOU ENJOY IT!!
> 
> ALSO THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE LOVE THE FIRST CHAPTER GOT! MADE ME WANT TO KEEP WRITING!

**6 Years Earlier**

When they pressed their lips together it suddenly felt as if a rock was pushing down on her heart. She wanted so much to tear her eyes away from her best friend kissing some girl across the bar but she just couldn’t and it was only when they parted their lips and he turned towards her with a big smile on his face did she shake her head, and look anywhere but into them deep brown eyes.

She hated this feeling in her chest, the pounding on her heart in her ears. It felt like all the world was floating away from her; the floor spinning beneath her shoes. This sudden turn of events coupled with the alcohol floating around in her system did not bode well for what was about to follow.

Clarke was pulled back towards reality by her friends’ sudden outburst of cheers. She shook her head once more and looked up, with the world still spinning, to Bellamy walking back towards the table with her trademark smirk plastered on his face, holding a piece of paper in her hand.

“Look what I got!” he said, waving the piece of paper with the girl’s phone number on in the air. His arrogance annoyed Clarke at the beginning of their relationship, but somewhere along the way she became charmed and now, standing in the bar feeling as if a stampeded has trampled her heart, she once again wanted punch him in the face.

“Nice going Blake but are we sure that is actually her number?” Raven replies “because let’s be honest, your personality? It’s not the best”

Laugher fills the bar from her friends, but Clarke remains silent, siting back down at the table trying to stop herself throwing up, her friends following not long behind her.

“Oh Reyes, what do you think we are planning on doing? Sitting around talking about our feelings?”

Everyone laughs once again.

“To Bellamy and the Hot girl from the Bar” Jasper said, raising his glass up from the table.

“To Bellamy!” they all reply lifting up their glasses, clinking them together over the centre of the table and then all taking a long drink until no liquid is left in their glasses.

Clarke has made any noise at this point, but has instead sat quietly in her chair, trying as hard as she can to act natural, and failing miserably. She can’t understand the feeling rushing around in her heart and with each passing second her anxiety is building at that every thought; the utter confusion is sending her into a deep tailspin than she had ever experienced. Even with all that floating around in her mind she is pulled back to reality slightly by a small touch on her elbow.

She turns to her right and see Bellamy sitting on the chair next to her. He may as not be sitting on it though because his whole body is turned to face her with his elbows resting on his knees. He faces must be about a foot from her. She felt as if she was melting into his beautifully brown eyes, not wanting to break their gaze as long as she may live. She didn’t remember him being this close before. His features are soft, his eyes welcoming and even though he has already got her attention, his hand remained on her elbow, his thumb lightly dancing across her skin.

“Hey” he spoke so softly it was if his words were woven in silk.

“Hey” she replied, her voice coming through slightly rawer than she would have wanted, like small fragments of her thoughts were escaping through the gaps between her words.

All they both did was stare at each other for a moment, tension building with every second passed, and with each second passed did its feel as if the whole world melted away, leaving only the blonde hair girl, and the most beautiful brown hair boy she had ever seen. As the moments passed, and neither tore with eyes away, Clarkes mind began to wonder. What if her feels it as well? What if he sees her the way she sees him?

“Are you okay?” he asked, again speaking with words of made from pure gold.

Anything could happen right now, and Clarke would be okay. That was how she always felt with Bellamy by her side, the two fighting the pains of the world together but tonight what she was feeling was more than just okay, she felt at peace. Bellamy’s eyes, his voice, the soothing circles he was drawing on her elbow all pushed a warm sensation threw Clarkes body, a safe feeling, from the top of her head, all the way down to the tip of her toes.

“Of course, I am. Why wouldn’t I be?” she said and as she spoke a smile made its way to her lips. With the alcohol pushing around in her system inched closer to him and she could have sworn his eyes tore themselves away from her own to glance at her lips for a moment before flicking back up to her ocean blue eyes.

“It’s just…” he paused for a moment thinking over the words in his mind “You looked upset when I came back from talking to that girl at the bar” he said and even though he spoke softly each word out of his mouth was like a knife to the heart and suddenly the world returned as did all those thoughts and feeling that Clarke had forgotten a few moments ago and once again Clarke’s heart ached. How could she have been so stupid? So deluded? Of course, he didn’t feel the same as her, he had just picked up a girl at the bar.

“Right… yeah” Clarke spoke awkwardly shaking her head and pulling away. As she did, his hand feel from its place on her elbow and it suddenly felt as if a part of her was missing. She grabs where the empty space lay hoping that some pressure would return her back to normality. It didn’t.

The world was spinning again, her heart was pounding again, her breath was hard to catch again. It felt like the walls were closing in, trapping her inside a coffin of heartbreak and pain. She needed to get out of here, so she suddenly stood up, drawing everyone’s attention from around the table.

“I’ve just remembered that I got this thing tomorrow morning and I should probably head home” she said as she collected her things from her chair and the table. This didn’t go down very well this the group who all started spitting out reasons her to stay but she blocked them all out.

“Clarke are you sure you are alright” Bellamy said now standing up with her, concern on his face and with hand on her arm.

The touch electrified Clarkes senses. She couldn’t look at him anymore. A small noise escaped her throat suggesting that she was fine, before she pulled her arm away and started for the door.

She had only made it out the door for a few moments before she heard her name once more. Even them few second outside had done her a world of good.

“Clarke wait up!”

She turned to see Bellamy pushing his way through the slight crowd at the entrance. He jogged towards her, you could see his breath in the coldness of the night. He didn’t say anything for a few moments before he pulled her in and hugged her. She was shocked at first. He held onto her so tightly. After a second her spoke into her neck, his breath tickling slightly.

“You can tell me anything, okay?” he whispered.

It was at this moment he realised why he was hugging her. He knew she was upset about something and he knew she was keeping it from him, but he didn’t know why. This hug, under the night sky filled with star, was his way to telling her that he was there for her. Not forcing her to tell him what wrong or some story about what they been through together but a simple hug that meant more to her than any combination of words even could.

After a second she nodded her head against his neck and pulled him in close knowing she could never tell him why she was upset because she knew that once they parted he would walk back inside to the beautiful woman at the bar and kiss her like Clarke so yearned to be kissed by him and love her like Clarke so longed to be loved by him. She knew she had to let him go for then but now, right now, Clarke held onto to her best friend, under the blanket of star that lit up the world below them, as tight as she could as if for the very last time.


	3. Returned Kindness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU AGAIN FOR THE CONTINUOUS SUPPORT ON THIS STORY AND THE LOVELY COMMENTS I AM GETTING ITS MEANS THE WORLD TO ME!
> 
> We are still 6 years later in this chapter and maybe the next one as well but we building to something big with LOTS OF ANGST!

**6 years** **Earliar**

After the night she had, Clarke decided just to relax at home the next day, putting all calls and texts to silent, to run away from reality and although her music pushed hard against the wall of her flat, the thoughts in her mind always flickered back to him; back to Bellamy.

After her idea of lunch, and because of a pure lack of will power, Clarke looked at her phone, both wishing and dreading a text from Bellamy. There were none. There was, however, a few missed calls from Octavia, an email from Arcadia Hospital and about 10 missed calls from her mother. She read the email first and when she glanced at the subject her heart stopped. About 2 months ago she decided, without telling anyone but her mother, to apply to medical school at Arcadia Hospital, one of the most competitive programs in the country and about two thousand miles away from her home now; two thousand miles from her friends. She wanted so badly to tell them all, especially Bellamy, because she knew they would be supportive but the chances of her getting in were slim. You would think having her mother working at hospital would help her chances, but it was quiet the opposite. They didn’t take to kindly to nepotism having been burned in the past so with Griffin as her last name, Clarkes application most likely went near the bottom of the pile.

She hovered over email for about 5 minutes and with each second she convinced herself more and more that once she clicked on it she would see she has been rejected and she would be able to go one with her life, but still a tiny light inside of her told her she was good enough, that she had been accepted because she was amazing and that voice was Bellamy. She smiled, took a deep breath and clicked on the email.

_‘Dear Ms Griffin,_

_After careful consideration from the board of admissions here at Arcadia Hospital we are pleased to let you know you have been accepted into our medical program’_

The email went on but that was all she needed. She had got in and she couldn’t believe it. A hand come up and covered her gaping mouth for a seconded before a smile started to appear on her face, and laugher started to escape her lips.

“Oh my god” she screamed jumping up and down on her couch for about 5 minutes, screaming every time her feet hit the cushions. Her music was blaring so loud she didn’t hear the first knock at the door, or the second or even the third and it was only when the person on the other side started to bang with their fist did Clarke realise. She jumped of the sofa, turned off the music and, even though she was still wearing her Pyjamas, Clarke opened the door.

Bellamy stood on the other side. He looked upset, but not quite angry, annoyed maybe at having to wait so long at the door. Clarke was confused for a moment, but she knew her news would cheer him up.

“I have something great to – “she was interrupted by Bellamy pushing past her, making his was over to the couch.

“What’s wrong?” Clarke asked, shutting the door, and all thought of telling Bellamy about the email, behind her.

He didn’t say anything as she sat down beside him. She couldn’t now tell if her was angry or upset, his face showed no emotion, broken almost, like a statue from them books he loves so much.

“Bellamy?” she asked once more, worry now filtering its way through her voice. She had never really seen him like this. Angry, Yes. Upset, Yes. Shattered, No. She placed her hand on her back, tracing lightly along his spin, reassuring she was there. He took a deep breath and turn to look into her eyes.

“Last night after you left...” he paused slightly, and Clarke heart paused with him. What was he going to say? Her breath caught slightly and even though the likelihood of him confessing his feelings to her were small, it didn’t stop Clarke from replaying the scenario over and over in her mind as her carried on his story.

“I got super drunk and …” he continued, and the more words that left his lips, the closer Clarke came to the reality of last night, the feels surrounding her heart, and her unrequited love for the man in front of her. She shouldn’t be surprised. Everything about him screamed perfection to her. His beautiful olive like skin scattered with freckles that put the stars to shame. His laugh that scrubs her soul clean every time her hears it, even if her isn’t laughing with her, even if he is on the other side of the room, she starts to smile when his laugh appears. His unwavering strength and kindness that surrounds her in light even when every inch of head is screaming at her that she isn’t good enough, that she need to try harder, that no one will love her for who she is.

She starts to think of all the times Bellamy and brought her back from the edge and she soon realises that there are too many to count on her hand, or a million hands for that matter. Bellamy has more Kindness, compassion, empathy in his beautiful little finger than Clarke possess in her whole body and even if he was half the man he was right now, sitting by her side about to tell her something that is breaking down his heart, he would still be the best person she knows, or will know, in her lifetime.

“and I started fight with Octavia and" another pause as if he is remember the events of the night before "oh god Clarke I think I have pushed her too far this time” he spoke so broken. Last night his words were woven in silk, today they shattered like glass.

“I’m sure it wasn’t as bad as you think” she said, still stroking his back. That was until he jumped up from his seat, giving Clarke a bit of a scare.

“No, you weren’t there! You don’t get it! You left!” he screamed. Anger was in his eyes now there was no question. It felt like his tone was blaming Clarke for what he had done. His demeanour changed in an instant and for a second, Clarke was scared. They both just started at each other for a moment before Bellamy ripped his eyes away and wiped down his face with his hands. Clarke thinks her face reflected the fear the cascaded through her veins, if only for a instant, because all of a sudden, as quickly as the anger came it was gone, and the man who had just walked through her door was back, even more broken than before.

“I’m sorry Clarke” he said

“It’s okay I should have stayed” Clarke replied quietly, like she was trying to protect the man before her somehow.

He sat down beside her again and put his hand on her wrist, like he was trying to feel a pulse.

“No, it’s not” he said, his words silk once more.

Their eyes connected again, pulling Clarke towards him with a yearning she had never felt before. To press his lips to hers would change everything. A small action with drastic consequence but it’s like he is a magnet pulling her towards him, out of her control. Her eyes flicker down to his lips. His soft lips that behind it holds the smirk that has a hold on her soul. Her heart is beating recklessly, and she thinks if he can actually feel her pulse with his fingertips she may as well confess her love for him here, now, because her heart is telling him all her secrets and her feelings with each beat against his skin. He reaches up and tucks the strand of hair that has fallen out of place, back behind her ear as that infamous smirk appears on his lips.

“Did I hear you screaming before you opened the door?” he asked, barely above a whisper.

“Yeah” she said softly, their eyes still locked together.

“May I ask why?”

Clarke returns his smile and looks down towards her hands, relaxing slightly from the tension of their past moment, and seeing that his is still resting on her wrist. She wants to badly to tell him about Arcadia that she overcome with excitement. She can imagine what he would do. Pick her up and spin her around the room until the world became blurred and all she could see in the world was his smile letting out the laugher that made every inch of her body fill with ecstasy. Then she looked up. Even with his smirk telling her he is happy, it’s his eyes that sell him out. His eyes that are filled with pain and hate and anger. It’s his eyes that plead with her to let him scream and cry and for her to hold him in her arms, telling him everything will be alright; that he has to have hope of making things right because they are all alive. So many times, he has done this for her, a million hands to count, so now she must return the kindness and let him be broken.

“It’s not important, tell me about Octavia”

She took his hand from her wrist and slide his finger between her own and there they sat, for hour into the day until the night sky appeared out her window and the stars emerged that reminded her of Bellamy’s skin. They talked for hours and when Bellamy fell asleep, his head resting on her shoulder, she wondered why it took her so long to realise she loved him. She wasn’t one for listening to her heart and she wished she realised sooner for now she was about to be ripped away from him for only god knows how long and that thought alone made her reconsider the whole thing.

She looked at him, his face in utter peace, and she realised wasn’t sure how long she could live without him, because how long can a head truly live without its heart.


	4. Everything has Changed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY THIS ONE IT A BIT LATER! I DID POST A FEW DAYS AGO BUT I JUST KINDA HATED IT SO I DID IT AGAIN! I HOPE YOU LIKE IT! A LOT OF ANGST!!!

She leaves tomorrow. She has left it too late to justify anything now. The moment the words leave her lips a part of her fears she may lose him, her best friend, the man she loves. The other part of her feels, hopes, he will happy for her, hug her like she so longed to be hugged. She won’t truly know until tonight which part of her heart was right, for tonight is her last party before turning towards her new life.

Monty and Jasper are hosting the party. They reacted how she would expect when she told them. Hugged her like there was no tomorrow and then procced to get her unbelievable drunk on moonshine; the way it should always be with them. Their apartment, even though relatively small, is filled with people, some Clarke know, some she doesn’t. She doesn’t really mind though. The room could be filled with a million people whose faces she doesn’t recognise, as long of one of those faces was Bellamy’s she wouldn’t have a care in the world.

As soon as she entered, she tried to find him as the guilt of keeping this secret for so long was eating away at her soul. She scanned the room, making eye contact with a number of attractive strangers, none of whom were Bellamy. She assumed he just wasn’t there yet after walking around for a few minutes, so she made her way towards the kitchen where most of her friends were, utterly obliviated, to get herself a drink.

Octavia was the first to great her.

“Clarke! Hey! Where the hell have you been! This is your night!” she screamed almost.

She was absolutely wasted but even then, Clarke could tell she was still hurting from her fight with Bellamy. The night Clarke left the bar early, and Bellamy kiss that girl, Octavia was talking to her boyfriend Lincoln. He was a bit older than her but treated her the way she deserved so people just accepted it. All but Bellamy. When had one to many, he started screaming at him that he was taking advantage of his little sister and Lincoln decided he had enough and left, prompting the Blakes to have a huge fight resulting in neither of them talking to each other since.

“This is not my night, it’s just a party that happens to be night before I leave forever” Clarke said jokingly. The joke however fell flat. Everyone just looked at her coldly, like sadness was now their only emotion. Guilt pushed its way through her veins once more but just as she was about to apologise however, did someone speak from towards the back of the kitchen.

“Nice one Griffin, you should put that on a t-shirt or something” Murphy spoke in his usual way, sarcasm dripping off every word. “It sure would be a way of breaking the news to lover boy”

Clarke stared at Murphy so hard she felt as if she may burn his skin. While she was looking at him, a smirk appeared on his face. Not a smirk like Bellamy’s that was filled with Mystery and Charm, but a smirk knows it has pushed a button, a mischievous smirk that makes Clarke want to punch him in the face. They just stare at each other as seconds tick past on the clock. Clarke can feel her cheeks start to flush as the rest of the group turn to look at her. She wants nothing more than to melt into the floor, escape her reality, escape what she has to tell her best friend soon, escape everyone’s drunken stares.

Clarke is about to reply, about to refute the blatant truth that she is in love with her best friend, but she gets cut off at Murphy pointing to something, or should she say someone, behind her.

“Oh, look here he comes now”

She turns her head slowly to look over her shoulder. There he is, wearing a black t-shirt and jeans, nothing to fancy, but something that somehow screams for you to notice him. His messy black curls are damp, glistening even in the dim lights of the room. He is talking to a man Clarke doesn’t recognise. He is similar age to Bellamy if not a little older and slightly shorter. Bellamy has is striking smile plastered on his face when that beautiful, heart-wrenching laugher escapes his lips. Butterfly fill every part of Clarke stomach, her heart races, her breath is erratic and hard to catch like a beautiful songbird trapped in a cage and just when she feels she can’t take anything more, does he turn to look at her, their eyes connect and the whole world melts away.

His laugher dies down, leaving just his smirk staring back at her. Nothing in the world equates to how she feels when she is around Bellamy. Just being in his present sends shock waves through every inch of her body, electrifying her skin. She wants nothing more than to run to him, wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him deeply, passionately. If could have one wish before she died it would be to kiss him, even if he didn’t return it, the sensation of his lips against hers would send so much love her veins she would be able to rest happily. Yet, she knows she can’t run to him, she knows that soon the secret plaguing her heart will leave her lips and will change everything, shifting the very ground beneath her feet.

Clarke wished for more time. More time to simply be with him. To hold him in her arms, feeling the beating of his heart again her cheek. To listen to the sound of his voice and the small vibrations that escape when he speaks low enough. To cherish every moment, every wandering glance, every soft touch. Capture every time he says her name, or touches of her cheek, or gently placing the drifting hair back behind her ear and place those memories in a small box that will live within her heart. Staring back at him now, Clarke believe, with every inch of her soul that if things were different, if times were different, if feelings were different, she would marry that man before her. His angelic smile being the last thing she thinks of before she sleeps, and his beautiful chocolate eyes being the first things she sees when wakes up. Everything about her life would anchor itself to him; Good or bad. Even now, gazing at the man nothing more than her best friend she knew her heart would forever beat for Bellamy Blake.

So, when her tore his eyes from hers to say his apologies to the man in front of him, Clarke turned and wandered into the crowd and with each step she put more space between them. She held onto that feeling of wonder and love for the future as she ran from time. Until she tells him, a little part of her believe in that fantasy and growing old with Bellamy beside her and she was going to hold onto that hope for as long as she could and so she grabbed a bottle of Vodka from a table she passes and made her way up towards the roof.

Even though it is mid-September the air is warm. It had been raining all day and, even though a few droplets still fall from the sky, Clarke finds it comforting, like a wave of warmth passing over her. She walks over to the single bench that is placed on the roof and sits down, looking out towards the city below. The darkness is illuminated by the bright lights of people’s homes, making the world seem small and with each breath in, Clarke feels her problem becoming smaller as well. She feels at peace.

Clarke is taking sips from the bottle when she hears a noise behind her. The noise of someone walking up the fire escape. She turns to see who has disturbed her silence and sees the face of pure paradise.

Bellamy is walking towards her, a blanket in his hands. As he approaches, Clarke can see he is as taken by the view as she is and, when he sits down beside her, slightly brushing his knee to hers, he takes the blanket and drapes it over their legs. They merely sit there for an instant, taking in the night air and silence between them before Bellamy opens his mouth.

“This is painfully beautiful” wonder dripping on every word, as if he was entranced by the moment.

She looked towards him, taking in his features for a second, utter awe in her eyes, as her mind wanders to the future she hoped they would share. The days filled with joy and the nights filled with love; every second more beautiful than the last.

“Yeah it is” she said, not talking about the sky but the man beside her.

“Painfully beautiful is an oxymoron” he said jokingly, turning to look at her, their eyes fixing. His smile appeared on his lips and Clarke knows he thinks he is hilarious, his arrogance his is worst trait but somehow one of his best and she can’t bring herself to say anything for some reason. Silence pass for a moments before Bellamy speaks once more.

“Why are you up here anyway?” he pauses for a second, as if summoning the courage for what he is about to say next I’ve been looking for you” he spoke softly

He couldn’t tell him the real reason she was up here, not yet anyway. With each passing second the inevitable is catching up to her, its biting at her heels but she longs to keep it at bay, if even for a moment, if even just to look into his eyes one instant longer.

“I needed to get away from Murphy” she said, which was partly true “so I thought escaping up here was my only choice”

He starts to nod, looking away from her and back towards the shining skyline. Clarke gazed a few seconds. He looked content, with his face relaxed, only a small smile on his lips, happy almost, the light of the night dancing on his skin. This was when he was most striking to Clarke. Not in some club, or trying to show off, but in the moments between life. In the moments that don’t seem to be important but are truly the most important. The moments when the silence is welcomed and not ran from. The natural moments. The moments when she believes in something bigger than everything. Looking at him now she knew that these moments, the small ones, only ever happen with him. She leant towards him and nudged his arm with her elbow, making his eyes scatter back to her own.

“Only Choice. Also, an Oxymoron by the way” she spoke, her smile now appearing on her lips, reflecting his own.

His beautiful laugh vibrated through the silence of the night, causing her smile to widen. It lasted only a few moments, but Clarke knew that this memory, with the light glistening across his freckles and his laugh filling the silence, would be getting a permeant home in the box in her heart.

Her smile faded her a second when she though that this could be the last time, she heard that laugh because now was the time, her last chance to tell him. She pulled her eyes from his and took a deep breath, summoning all the courage she would require getting the words out.

“Hey? Are you alright?” he asked, concern flicking on his words.

She took another deep breath and turned to him. This was it.

“Bellamy, I have something I need to tell you.” She spoke clearly.

His smile vanished from his face and was replaced by a sort of frown. Not an angry frown, but a concentrating frown, like is was waiting on her last word.

“Okay” he replied turning his whole body to face her. He took her hand in his and although this was his was of comforting her, it only made the words harder to find, as if his touch clouded her mind with sound.

“I don’t know how to say this so I’m just going to say it” she paused for a few moments “A few months ago I found out I got into the Arcadia Medical program and I really wanted to tell you but there never seemed to be a good time and now I feel like I have left it to late”

“What do you mean?” He asked, confusion now written into his frown

“I leave tomorrow”

She wished she had done this sooner or she wished she had more time because now the man she loved with every part of being was braking front of her very eyes, shattering like glass and it was all her fault. She wanted so badly to put him back together but she knew that it wasn’t her place, that it may never be her place again and as a numb feeling washed over her, did the reality of living without her heart start to settle into her mind causing a single tear to fall from her cheek.

That was it. She had lost him. His eyes became hollow and his frown twisted to anger. She knew he had every right to be angry at her, but that didn’t changed the fact a small part of her wish he would still pull her close and hold her tight. She had never felt so alone with someone sitting so close to her and as her heart started to beat loudly in her ears and her breath became hard to catch did his hand slowly loosen its grip on her own until the last touch of his fingers left her palm, a last parting goodbye before Clarkes own world started shatter like crystal cleaner glass.

Bellamy stood up, taking a few paces, like he does when he is angry or when he has to think things over. He didn’t talk for a moment, the silence filling the gaps between her breaths.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked.

His voice was not filled with anger but full of sorrow like his words were breaking before they left his lips.

“I tried, so many times, but something always came up” Clarke said, trying her hardest to keep the emotion from spilling out of her words. “I found out the day after you had that fight with Octavia and then you came around and you were so sad, and I had to be there for you. I had to.” She said that last part quietly, as if she was justifying it to herself more than Bellamy.

Bellamy didn’t say a word, just stood a few metres away from her, staring at her with his unreadable brown eyes. He didn’t look as if would say anything soon, so she continued.

“Raven kept telling me to tell you-“she said before she was interrupted.

“Raven knew?” he asked, anger now flicking through his words.

“Yeah” she said timidly.

“Who else?” he spoke

“Bellamy-“she spoke so softly, like she knew he wouldn’t like the answer and wanted to protect him.

“Who else knew” he shouted almost.

She gave a sigh and looked down at her hands, ashamed of the answer to his question

“Everyone”

“Jesus Christ Clarke!” he said turning away from her, continuing his pacing that he has stopped when he uttered his first question “Why didn’t you tell me!”

“I already answered that-“she replied, slightly confused.

He turned and took a few steps towards her until he was standing only a about a metre away, looking straight into her eyes.

“No” he said softly. He took a deep breath before continuing “Why didn’t you tell me?” he said, gesturing to himself, empathising the last word. He didn’t want to know why she told everyone else but why didn’t she tell him particular and Clarke understood his meaning almost instantly. She didn’t know how to answer this question without spilling the secret that have been plaguing her mind, the secret she was sure would change everything, even more than now.

“I was…” she paused to think again, a thousand answers were spinning around in her head. She thought, for a moment, she should just tell him. How she feels, that he is her family, that she can’t go a day without thinking about how much she loves him. She loves him to much it hurts.

“I was scared” she spoke quietly, like she was revealing a part of herself to him.

“Scared? Scared of what?” he asked, his voice was calmer now and Clarke thought that maybe they would be able to move past this mess she had made. Maybe, just maybe, they could become something more.

“Of losing you” she spoke softly, like she was treading on a clean coat of snow, not wanting to destroy that they have. She stands up to meet him, their faces now inches apart, eyes locked once again. This is her moment. She takes a deep breath and lets the words utter from her lips. “I need you”

For a moment everything is still. It as if the world has stopped spinning, the birds have stopped singing and for a second Clarke believes she has stopped breathing. Bellamy does not say anything, but she can see through his eyes that he is thinking, fighting against something in his mind. What she would wish to know what he was thinking at this moment even for a second, so her mind back be put to rest.

“You need me?” he asked. His features were slightly soft, but his voice was broken; shattered like glass.

“Yes, I do. I need the guy who wouldn’t let me wallow by myself when Finn cheated on me-“

“You’re leaving me!” He screamed and the realisation suddenly dawn on Clarke that his expression wasn’t soft but damaged. The anger that had scared her so much a few months ago was back but this time is wasn’t vanishing but only growing stronger. Clarke clung to fragments of who they used to be, desperatly wanting to peace them back together. She tried to take his hand in hers, but he ripped his arm away like the contract of her skin against his burned.

“Bellamy” she said again, softly

“Enough Clarke! You’re being selfish! I always knew that this was who you were!” he spat at her

Clarke was stunned, did those words truly just leave his mouth. This person in front of her was not her Bellamy, but monster who had snatched his body.

“You don’t mean that”

“Yeah I do. I know that deep down you are that spoilt little princess who I met a few months ago! Just when things are getting hard you bolt to some fancy new school- “

“What do you mean getting hard- “

“With all the stuff I am going through I always though you would be in my corner- “

“You have no right to talk to me like that – “

They were both screaming over each other. Clarke blood boiled and she was seeing red. She imagined he would be angry but nothing like this. It felt as if he ripped her heart out of her chest. There was still a part of her that thought he would never believe these things, that she would wake up and it would all be a nightmare but the reality was much worse than a nightmare ever could be. Things had gone so bad so fast, Clarke felt as if she has whip lash. She was taking a breath when he carried on screaming.

“You want to know why I came up here in the first place? I was going to tell you that- “he cut himself off. It was as if Clarkes voice was a blanket for him to confess his darkness fears and his deepest desires but now, with her words falling silent, that blanket had been ripped away.

“You were going to tell me what?” she asked slowly, anger still flicking on her voice.

“You know what? Don’t worry yourself Princess” he said callously.

She flinched at the nickname, once used as a term of endearment, now it had been reverted back to the original; something hurtful. I was as if the last few months had never happened and the man before her was that Bellamy. The rude, hurtful Bellamy whose arrogance sent anger through Clarke veins. She knoded her head in acceptance, but of course she would never really accept she had just lost her best friend for the man before her was a stranger. She took both her hands and wiped the tears from her cheeks and for a second she though she saw a flicker of remorse in his eyes, before that turn back into concreate.

“Right” she said softly nodding her head once more “You know this wasn’t how I wanted this to go. I am so sorry Bellamy” she said, her voice catching as more tears streamed down her face. “You were my best friend and I didn’t want to intentionally hurt you but what you just said was meant to hurt me” The dam had opened, and Clarke was weeping now, thinking about what he had said an instant ago. “I thought you were better than this, that you had changed but I guess I was wrong”

Clarke break eye contract with him and moves past him, heading for the exit, heading for a life without him in it.

“Clarke wait” he said, grabbing hold of her arm for a second before she ripped it away

“No I’m done” she paused for another second, taking him in “I can’t do keep doing this, letting myself get hurt by people I care about. First Finn and now you. This is a huge opportunity for me and I just need my best friend to be happy for me” she said faintly.

“I’m sorry Clarke” he whispered.

He always had a way of saying her voice that made the whole world melt away. From the outside it just looks like a guy and a girl, standing on a roof top, having an argument but really, to them at least, it was the end. The end of what Clarke wasn’t so sure. To Clarke it felt like nothing would ever be the same, but she also knew she would still always love Bellamy. His skin, his laugh, his smile, his smell, everything perfect. The way he could make her laugh until her stomach hurt and make her feel bright in a world of darkness.

“Me too” she whisper in retrun 

She leant towards him and planted a kiss on his check where she lingered for a moment, not wanting to leave his skin, his eyes; not wanting to leave him. When she did lift her lips from his check she didn’t stray far, but simply move her lips up to his ear

“Goodbye Bellamy Blake” she whispered. When she pulled away, she saw that he was crying, hurt and anger still residing behind his eyes, however. It felt to Clarke that he was fighting something in his mind. Wanting to pull her in close or push her away. She waited; her ocean blue eyes locked with his chocolate brown ones. She had left the ball in his court. It was his choice if her fought for her or let to walk out the door and out of his life. Moments passed, the silence deafening. He opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but his words fell short, unable to push past his lips. She knew he was letting her go and just like that, just as his lips were placed shut, did her heart shatter into a million pieces.

Another tear fell from her eyes and she wiped it away, trying her hardest not to show her broken interior. She gave another small nod for what else was there to say? All the cards, good and bad, were left on the table and he chose to leave it. She looked him in the eyes once last time, memorising the golden flecks within them, she gazed to the constellation of freckles that were scattered on his skin and his beautiful black curls that sat upon his head. Every part of her heart was screaming at her to stay, to hug in, to tell him she loves him, but her head was telling her different and Clarke was always one to listen to her head and so turned to leave. As soon as her back was turned to him, a sob escaped her lips as walked away from her best friend, the man she loves for, what felt like, forever.


	5. Invisible string

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR ALL THE LOVE STILL! I was only going to do 5 chapters of this story but I feel like the ending needs a little longer to develop! 
> 
> thanks for reading!!!
> 
> Also it is two weeks earlier from the first chapter and not the most recent one 👍

_2 weeks Earlier_

The music was pounding in his ears; the vibrations filling the small spaces between his body and people around him. The dance floor was crowed, filled with people he will never come to know and yet he was surrounded by the most important ones in his world. Octavia, Jasper, Raven, Harper, Monty, Murphy and the woman he loves; Echo. Every fleeting moment seemed to etch itself into his memory’s, forever changing him if even slightly. It had been years since he had felt this sort of happiness. The joy cascaded through his veins, making the hair on his arms rise up off his olive skin. He was sure no moment in the future would ever to hold a candle to right now.

He turned to Echo, and a smile grew on her face. A piece of hair was stuck to her forehead, sweat companioning it. Bellamy picked up his hand and placed the hair back behind her ear, an action that made his heart ache, linking itself to a memory in his past, a memory of someone else.

For a second she was here with him. Her golden hair and vivid blue eyes flashed before him, her smile shining so brightly it was as if was about fall off her cheeks. Even after all these years, her image was stained into his mind, every detail remembered to perfection. Seconds pasted and he didn’t take a breath, wanting to stay like this forever, not wanting to taint the mirage by a shaky exhale of breath. He wanted to tell her so many things, so many memory’s, so many story’s that he hasn’t been able to. He wants to trace his fingers along every inch of her soft skin and run his fingers through her beautiful hair. He longs to hold her in his arms, to pull her so close so that no space is left between them because that was where he felt safes, most himself; in Clarkes embrace.

“Bellamy?” a voice spoke, pulling him out of his mind and, for a fleeting second, it sounded like Clarke.

He closed his eyes for a moment, gathering the trailing thoughts inside his mind, before opening them on Echo, in the place he saw Clarke a few moments ago.

“Are you alright?” she continued, shouting slightly over the music.

He took a breath before turning his lips upward.

“Yeah of course! I always am!” he said, a smile plastered over the pain filtering through his body. Even after all this time, the grief of losing Clarke never left his heart.

Echo accepted his words with a nod before Bellamy pulled her in for a hug, before she would be able to ask any more questions. A pit formed in Bellamy’s stomach as a thought scattered his mind. He knew Echo loved him, but she would never truly know him the way Clarke did, no one ever could. The very idea that Clarke wouldn’t know he was breaking inside, that he was not truly fine, it’s a concept too hard for him to fathom because deep down he knew Clarke was his soulmate, the light in the darkness, and 6 years ago he let that light slip through the cracks. Just as he was about to push all thoughts of Clarke out of his mind, did his eyes flicker up, out towards the crowd, to be met by familiar clear blue ones looking back at him.

He felt as if the world had melted away. It felt as if he was not on a dance floor, with tens of people surrounding him, in the arms of another but 6 years ago, with only Clarke. She looked the same other than her hair. It now lay just above her shoulders. Her blue dress reflected her eyes, that were now filling with tears, which Bellamy had not stopped looking at since he first glanced up. He couldn’t tell from her face what she was feeling, she was never one for wearing her heart on her sleeve, that was his job, he thought, but he didn’t seem to care. The longing to hold her in his arms became over whelming, even if she hated him, even if she pushed him away, that second of contact would be enough; enough to start to mend his shattered soul.

Without saying a word, he pushed Echo out of his arms, and started toward the love of his life, the woman he hadn’t seen in 6 years. There were looks and voice coming from his friends behind him, from Echo, but he didn’t care. Clarke was here, she was home. As soon as his steps started in her direction, Clarkes did the same, heading towards him. It was if they were connected by an inviable string, drawing them together. Even with the distance getting shorter with each quicken step, Bellamy felt as if it was too much; too much time apart; too much time wasted so he started to pick up his pace, pushing people out of his way without of much as a word.

When they met, across the crowded dance floor, they both did the same thing. Without of so much as a word uttered from eithers lips, they pulled each other close and, as soon as their body’s collided, Bellamy felt like he could breathe again; that for the past 6 years he was trapped in a windowless room and, with Clarke now back in his arm, did she set him free.

Everything about this was perfect and how he remember. How the fit together like pieces of a jigsaw. Even if Bellamy walked the earth for a million years, no one would ever come close to how he loves Clarke Griffin. He buries his face into her neck, the scent of her hair just as sweet as he remembers. He could feel her beating heart against his own; creating a rhythm together that only they would ever know.

“I missed to so much” he whispers into her skin, not caring how much of his soul he was exposing by uttering them word.

He could feel her head nodding against his neck.

“I missed you too” he replied, her words getting caught in her throat as sobs tried to escape through the silences.

They stayed like this for a moment, never wanting this to end, soaking up every inch of one another before finally, they pulled away, not one leaving the other, but connect, together, like it always had been. Even though their hug has dissolved, Bellamy kept on hand on her arm, wondering if this was real, not wanting to let go and for her to fade away back into his imagination. A small strand of hair had fallen in front of her face and without thinking he brought his other hand up to it, tucking it behind her ear. This felt absolute. This was where he was meant to be.

“Like the new hair. It suits you…” he said still not being able to read her, as if she was wearing a mask. He racked his brain to think of something else to say, like the sentence was missing a part of who they are, or who they used to be. Then it came to him. “princess” he whispered.

He spoke softly, nothing like the last time that treasured nickname left his lips and a smile graced itself across her cheeks. He longed to kiss her, even if just for a second, even if their lips parted faster than they touched he believed it would be enough to fill his quiet mind with sound.

“Thanks” she spoke, returning his soft tone “I accidently set the end on fire, so this” she lift up the short ends of her hair “was my only choice” she said casually, like she didn’t remember their conversation on the roof until the words tumbled out of her lips. She wanted, in that instant, to take it back but the words were already floating in the air between them, along with a whole lot more. The memory of that night was one Bellamy longs to change, to reverse, for now he would do everything differently. He would pull her close, cling on to every inch of her skin, and live the life he always imagined for them; the sound of the lock of the roof door clicking shut haunted his dreams. He thinks she must hate him for what he did, like he hates himself, but the look in her eye’s reflects something different that he can’t quite put his finger on.

“Clarke…” he spoke, not sure where the rest of the sentence would come from, but he had an over whelming need to satisfy the silence between them and just as he was about to open his mouth to give a unpredictable end to his sentence, did his friends show up.

“Clarke!” Jasper screamed pulling her away from Bellamy’s grip and into his arms. Bellamys fingertips burned with absence of her skin to his. Her eyes lay locked with Bellamy for a few seconds, full of upspoken words, before drifting away to the swarm of people surrounding them now. As a few moments’ past, Clarke disappeared into the crowd, leaving Bellamy once more, Echo by his side.

“Who was that?” Echo asked, jealously dripping of every word. He didn’t turn to face her, but continued to look off towards Clarke, who he would now see at their table. Monty and Jasper must have been telling her about one of a million funny stories of what they have been up to because a second later she started to laugh. Even in his darkest hour Clarke laugh was able to pull him out towards the light; something about it filled every inch of his body with ecstasy. A smile grew on his lips for he never though he would hear that sound again. He was wrong before, it’s in this moment, hearing Clarkes laugh, the possibility of having her in his life once more, he is the happiest he has ever been, for even the smallest chance of a life with Clarke is something to be treasured.

“That’s Clarke” was all he could say. No combination of word would be able to sum up who she was to him, who he truly needed her to be to him.

As Echo walked off in annoyed rage, Bellamy began to wonder who Clarke was now, for so many lifetimes have passed since the last time their eyes connect and they stood an arm length away. Bellamy had changed, he was not the same person who let her walk away the last time and, he could tell, even from the small encounter they had, that she had changed as well. He began to wonder the effect of following his heart could have. Would reaching for Clarke, pushing her towards something she evolved from, something he wanted in her past but not her present, collapse the possibility of having anything at all?

That thought weighed heavy on Bellamy’s head. Every inch of his heart was yelling at him to go to her, to fix everything from their past, to push for something beautiful in their future but his head was telling him something different. It was telling him to be patient and wait and make sure his next move is not because it’s something he longs for, something that will fill his soul with happiness, but because it’s something that she wants for there is nothing on this planet that Bellamy wants more than for Clarke finally get her peace.

As she looks over at him one more time, everything about her radiating Beauty, Bellamy understood that she had built herself back up from their final conversation what seems like eons ago and he would never want to put her through something like that again. He knew in this moment that he needed to wait, to make sure this is something she wanted, to give her space to think things over on her own but he knew his heart wouldn’t go down without a fight.

He returns Clarkes stare with a small smile, knowing that even if she doesn’t love him the way he does her, Clarke is still there, her bright blue eyes lighting up even the darkest world; Clarke is home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not really sure about he wording at the end when Bellamy is talking about taking a step back so if anyone has any ideas give me a message below!


	6. Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HAVE UPDATED BECAUSE I THOUGHT OF SOMETHING I WANTED TO ADD BUT IT MOSTLY THE SAME!
> 
> -
> 
> I hope you enjoy my final chapter and that it will help with the loss of the most recent episode!
> 
> I love you all for all the love you give my work and I wouldn't keep writing if it wasn't for you guys! x

It takes Clarke a few moments to leave to quiet and comforting surroundings of the closet after she hear to the words leave Bellamys lips. He was right of course; things had changed. Even the way it felt being held in his arms again felt off in some sort of way; like something between them was off balance. He was also partly right about the past 6 years. To him, time passed, and Clarke stayed away, made no choice to contact him and lived a happy life; that couldn’t have been further from the truth.

She picked herself up and opened the door to the closet, bright warm light flooding the darkness that comforted Clarke a few moments ago. They were at Monty and Jaspers. The place where it ended all those years ago. They were having another party and, even with Clarkes reluctance, she went, pushing all thoughts of that night out of her mind. Even after been back for weeks, things with Bellamy were off, like he was avoiding her. She traced her mind for reason behind this and she came up with only one; He hadn’t forgiven her for leaving.

She walked towards the Kitchen, the music pounding loud in her ears. The room was filled with people she didn’t know, friends from the past 6 years she supposed. A small tug pulled on her heart, even though she lost that right the moment she left.

People were on the dance floor; others were sitting on the counter’s drinks in hand. It felt as if time had frozen still. Like she was back at her farewell party. She wondered about how things would have been different if she had stayed. What would she had become with Bellamy? That thought, out of everything, plague her mind with darkness. The ‘What if’ game that she played every night before the dreamless sleeps; before the endless nights of ceiling watching and sheep counting wondering if he was doing the same. Wondering, hoping, that she hadn’t ruined everything because there wasn’t a day or night that passed that Clarke didn’t think of him. His beautiful olive skin; his charm.

With all those nights lying in bed, the darkness of the night empathes the empty space next to her, she knew she had made the wrong decision. Maybe the right dession for right then, at that moment in her life but when her phone rang at 3:00 am she knew she had made the wrong decision. Her world turned upside down and there was only one person who could help her turn it around.

As her eyes scanned the room, she saw that one person. Now a few years older, a beard scattered across his face, covering up that beautiful olive skin, talking to a woman she had learned was his girlfriend. For the first few days Clarke struggled placing her face, this beautiful woman with the long brown hair and legs that seemed to carry on forever, until about a week ago when the memory came flooding back into her mind. The memory of the bar and Bellamy kissing that woman. The memory of hope and love being crushing inside her beating heart because that woman, that kiss that started all of this, was Echo.

Even now, looking at the two having a seeming intense conversation in the middle of everyone pure joy, that crushing feeling fell once more on her heart, brutal as ever. She wondered what they were talking about. The endless possibility’s filled Clarkes mind and she realised, in an instant, she was staring. She ripped her eyes away and before she knew it, they had landed on another’s.

Raven was standing a few metres away, ignoring Murphy talking about god knows what, and, while Clarke was staring at Bellamy, Raven was staring at Clarke. It took few a moments before she took a step towards her leaving Murphy with a confused look on his face.

“You alright?” Raven asked in a soft tone, like Clarke was fragile like glass.

It was a good question, but one Clarke hadn’t been able to answer for a long time.

“I’m fine” she replied, like she always does.

Raven looked towards Bellamy for a moment before turning back to Clarke.

“Did you hear what he said?” she asked.

Clarke simply nodded.

“What are you going to do?”

Clarke didn’t know what to say. She hadn’t thought to much about that in the few minutes she has been out of the closet. What was she going to do? Tell him she loves him? Let him be happy? Or where they one of that same? Thoughts and feelings were spinning out of control in Clarkes mind when her phone start to vibrate in her pocket.

“Sorry I have to take this” Clarke said, turning to Raven.

“No of course” Raven answered and, before she knew it, Clarke had headed off towards the roof.

Clarke hung put the phone and wiped a tear from her cheek. An over whelming weight of grief landed on her chest. She sat down on the single Bench that lay upon the roof. The wind rushed through her hair, pulling strands cross her features. She took a deep breath; the world was silence. If felt as if she had turned to stone, the weight of her body pushing down on the bench, for she could not move. The Click of the door sounded to her right and through it walked Bellamy. Déjà vu filled Clarkes veins which only expanded the grief and hopelessness she was already feeling.

She locked eyes with him for a moment before tearing them away and looking off towards the horizon. She knew, even after all these years, he would be able to see right through her, would be able to read her like a book that they wrote together.

“Now’s really not that time Bellamy” she spoke coldly wanting to push him away like he had been down to her.

“What that meant to mean?” he replied, taking a few steps towards her.

“You know what I mean” she spoke, turning to look at him “The awkwardness, the small talk, you not wanting to be in the same room as me?”

He doesn’t say a word. He knows that she is right, the words he so longs to tell her are always on the tip of his tongue, tearing at his heart.

“Yeah that what I thought so I’m really not in the mood”

They had been staring at each other for some time now, the only moments of disconnection were the blinks that lasted less than a second. Bellamy was looking at her face, taking in her red eyes and her wet cheeks. Even in this darkened light and vulnerable state she radiated beauty. He hesitated for a moment, wondering if this was his place, before taking a few steps and sitting down beside her, the coldness of the bench sending a shiver through his spin. They were so close; he could hear her shaky breath and smell the sweetness of her perfume that hadn’t change in 6 years, giving him a sense comfort.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, concern laced on every word.

She left out a sigh.

“Nothing-”

“Clarke?”

They way her name sounded on his lips always had a way of sending shock waves through her body. No matter why he was saying, whether angry or happy, it always had a way of making her feel safe; making her feel loved, like no matter what he would always be sitting beside her in the end.

“You want to know? Honestly? Everything” she spoke with disbelief, unable to put into too words how horrible her life has become. “I just feel like I’m losing.”

“Losing what?”

she turned to look at him. She so longed to tell him but he would pity her, and she didn’t want it. She didn’t want his pity or his apologise. She just wanted him. She loved him. Even after everything, all these years, she loved him. Her life just didn’t seem whole without him in it, so she took a step towards him, hands held out, hoping her would return them with his own.

“A few months ago, my Mum was killed in a hit and run”

Silence filled the air. She studied his face, looking for any sign on pity or unwelcome understand but she found none. She simply sat there, waiting for her continue, know that his time to be there for her would come as it always did.

“They caught the people who were responsible, but it turns out that they are big shots or something because today, I just found out, they walked, and my mother is still dead.” She sobbed.

Without even thinking, Bellamy took her in his arms. This was where they were meant to be and there was no longer space between them, nothing put them off balance; Everything was as it should.

“I’m so sorry Clarke” he spoke into her neck. He spoke for, not only the loss of her mother, but for all he had done was well.

“Me too” She replied.

They stayed like this for a moment, tangled in each other, before they pulled away. Bellamy hand was on her wrist again, like he did all those years ago in the bar, as if checking her pulse. They both started at each other. Clarke connecting the freckles on his face, Bellamy mesmerise by her crystal eyes. Silence passed for a moment in time that seem to be leading to something, something that Clarke didn’t truly understand yet, but the significance of it all as vast at the night sky.

“And you” she spoke softly, not sure if these words were ones she wanted to hear. After all the pain and hate she thought maybe it would be better to simply move on with her life, but Clarke knew it was never simple between her and Bellamy. It was messy and hard and Beautiful. If 6 years without him taught her anything was that she needed him, like a head needs a heart.

She could tell by his expression that confusion had occupied his mind. His face skewed and head titled slightly. His lips parted for a moment before he spoke like he was summonsing courage to continue. Clarke couldn’t help her eyes when they drifted down to his lips. So soft. Placing her lips to his would be so easy, it would convey all the words that floated in her mind, all the longings she wished to tell him and, in this moment, both of them sitting on the roof where everything went wrong, sitting so close, skin on skin, Clarke was certain that if she kissed him, he would kiss her back.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Bellamy voice, cutting through the noise that clouded her mind with sound.

“What about me?” he asked in a way that made Clarke wonder if her already knew that answer.

She took a deep breath, looked him in the eyes and spoke.

“I lost you too” she said clearly. Not in a way to make him feel bad but in a way that was true; In a way that didn’t matter anymore because they were together now.

“Clarke-“ he said briefly before Clarke interrupted him, not wanting fall into the darkness.

“Tell me something. Tell me something I don’t-“Clarke spoke but before she could even finish words left Bellamys lips.

“I’m in love with you” he said, as if he was unable to believe it had taken this long to say it, like clouds had cleared in his mind, and there was Clarke.

“What?” She whispered in utter disbelief, almost like it was just air.

“I’m in love with you” He again spoke like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders “ I know this is probably the worst time but the last time I wanted to say it you left and then 6 years past and it felt like everything was darker somehow and with everything I love you.”

“Bellamy-“ she whispered.

“Now you tell me something”

She simply looked at him for a moment, taking in every moment of remember forever.

“I wrote you a letter every day for 6 years”

“What? You sent me letters-“

“No, I didn’t send them to you, but I wrote you them and I kept them in a box in my closet”

He simply took this information in for a moment.

“Everyday? That’s like...” he paused to try and work out the maths.

“2199 days. 2199 letters to you. It has always been you Bellamy” She paused

Nothing was done for a moment, both glancing for each other eyes down to the others lips both wanting to move but waiting for the other first, until Clarke could take it anymore. She took Bellamy face in her hands and place her lips to his. The kiss was deep and passionate. It said all the unspoken words and missed touches. It gave forgiveness and paved the way forward. Nothing was ever going to be same again and whether that be good or bad they would do it; Together.

A thought flutter into Clarkes mind and before she knew what she was doing did she pull away.

“What about Echo?”

“I broke up with her. I had a talk with Raven, and she made me realise that we were never really just friends. I have never and will never love anyone the way I love you Clarke Griffin. Not in this lifetime or any others.”

“Just friends is an Oxymoron” she whispered and they both started to laugh; Their laugher filling up the silence of the world around them.

“Yes. Yes, it is”

He took a small piece of hair and put it back behind her ear. They had stepped into the unknown and there was no going back. Even if they could neither of them wanted to. This was where they were supposed to be.

Bellamy looked down and took Clarkes hand in his.

“Clarke this thing with you Mum. We’ll get through this. Together.”

That word was all Clarke needed to hear. That word was the reason she was there. The meaning of hope and trust behind it made Clarke feel safe. When her phone rang at 3:00am informing her about her mum, she thought to that word, packing up her things to be with the man who made that word, that word didn’t really mean anything to her, into something worth fighting for.

She pulled him in for another kiss, this time soft, their lips barely touching, before she rested her forehead against his own. He meant everything to her, and nothing in this universe, would change that.

“Together”

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment about how I could improve, or if you want me to continue!


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